Discord

Do you see it? That red glow,
low and clinging to the horizon,
unnerving in its ambiguity.
Even the stars recoil.
Oil and water, earth and sky—
I cannot reconcile them,
Embattled as they are—
Ardent and unmanned.
And so my children learn their place:
asymmetrical, the scales of power.
Were you about to argue?
You, with your injured pride?
I’d hold my tongue, if I were you.
You have nothing to fear.


In which I attempt an echo poem, which is harder than it seems. This one may have run off the rails a bit…

15 responses to “Discord

  1. Some lines really jump at you at times android me…this one

    clinging to the horizon,
    unnerving in its ambiguity.

    I am afraid the poem went over my head, which is not unusual, lol. But that line spoke to me.

  2. I’m with Tara. I don’t quite understand the poem, but the echo was spot-on! I was in awe of it especially here: “unnerving in its ambiguity. / Even the stars recoil.”

    • The echo rhymes sort of dictated the rest of the poem. I found it was easy to play with language and sound, but harder to pull together the idea behind it.

  3. Donna-Louise Bishop

    The words you’ve used sound absolutely beautiful rolling off the tongue. I enjoyed the lines:

    “Do you see it? That red glow,
    low and clinging to the horizon,
    unnerving in its ambiguity.”

    And I also loved the sounds of ‘recoil’ and ‘reconcile’.

    This poem has some powerful undertones and I enjoyed the fact I could use the ambiguity to create my own sense of purpose and place within it – relating it to things happening in my own life. I hope that makes sense!

    Thanks for sharing.

  4. This might sound facetious but I mean it: this sounds like the most eloquent possible response to a Facebook troll – it’s dark and fearful and uneasy, but still noble and powerful. The lines about how children “learn their place: asymmetrical, the scales of power” stands out to me the most.

    • … That’s pretty much exactly what I intended. I’m not kidding. If I’d been better with the title, it might have been clearer, but I was at a loss and then I was out of time.

      • rubybastille

        Hey cool! I liked having it slowly become clear to me, and it was even clearer on the second read, with “cannot reconcile them” and “ardent and unmanned.”

  5. Gorgeous visuals. Great dichotomies at play: earth and sky, oil and water. Very pictorial language.

  6. Even the stars recoil.

  7. This was great, when I was reading it I didn’t even realize you were going for a specific type of poem. I really appreciate that you all at yeah write work so hard every week to bring your readers and contributors these awesome posts full of knowledge every week. Now I should really try taking up those challenges one of these days, but I always feel so pressed for time!

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